You have probably heard about “Emotional Intelligence,” but did you know that your emotional intelligence (EQ) appears to have a greater influence on your success than your IQ or intelligence quotient?

People with a high EQ have an awareness of their own feelings and an ability to use that awareness to guide their decisions. They do not act solely on the basis of their emotions. They have the ability to both think and feel in any situation.

They make thoughtful decisions that include their emotional responses in the decision making process. They are responsive instead of reactive.

People with high EQ levels take responsibility for their own lives. They do not expect the instant and unqualified happiness and relief from ordinary pain promised by the popular songs or TV shows. They know that consuming heavily advertised things like alcohol, food, tobacco, clothes or cars is not the way to create a meaningful life.

They can sustain close and loving relationships with a variety of people, and can grieve appropriately when relationships end. Their sense of self worth comes from within themselves instead of from the approval of others.

The easiest way to develop emotional intelligence is to learn it from emotionally intelligent parents. Parents who are warmly responsive to children‘s feelings, who provide appropriate limits and model ethical behavior, raise children who have high EQs.

If you didn‘t grow up in such a family, you have many opportunities as an adult to raise your own EQ. Many books contain useful information about emotions and I try to fill this blog with tips that will help you out also.

Using the information, practicing over and over again, allows you to actually experience new ways of being in the world. Psychotherapists often help their clients become emotionally literate. Some classes are useful also.

In my work as a therapist, educator, and coach, I developed a Checklist, which describes an emotionally skilled person.

My book, An Action Plan For Your Inner Child: Parenting Each Other, contains a series of exercises to help you learn the skills on this checklist and raise your EQ. It is out of print, but a few copies of the book are still available directly from me.

You can get Daniel Goleman’s book, Emotional Intelligence, at

[tags]Self Help, Self-Improvement, Emotional Problems, Inner Child, Personal Growth[/tags]