Living in Colorado, I love to watch mountain streams. I’m especially fascinated when a piece of wood or a leaf gets stuck in a backwater and stays still. While everything else moves on. Then something happens that makes its start moving again.
I feel like I’ve been one of those pieces of wood — stuck and not moving for no apparent reason. Unlike the wood though, I recognized my predicament (with a little help from my friends) and did some things to get myself moving again. Now, thankfully, I’m on my way again.
The problem has been my reaction to my daughter’s news that her entire family is moving to Paris, France, and will be gone for about three years. I know it sounds exciting, but over the last few years have been seeing my wonderful grandsons (9, 7, 3 1/2, and 2) every couple of months and soon I’ll be seeing the much less frequently.
I’ve been trying not to pay attention to how sad I am about the loss of connection I know is coming. But there’s a difference between denial, pretending something doesn’t exist at all, and choosing to put my attention on something else.
I told myself just what my parents would have told me — “They’re not gone yet. Pay attention to what feels good, and don’t cry over something you can’t change.” They wouldn’t have wanted me to feel sad and so I pretended I wasn’t. And I got stuck and depressed in the process.
Fortunately, Jon asked the right question and I started to cry. I went back to an old resource, Gerald Jampolsky’s classic book, Love Is Letting Go of Fear. The thing that jumped right out at me is the reminder that I create my own reality by where I choose to focus my attention.
It is a subtle difference between pretending something doesn’t exist, and knowing that it is exists, but deciding not to focus on it. I know I’m sad now, but my attention is back on my life and what I want to create now.
I also did a writing exercise (see it at here) and much to my surprise, the next day I realized that I had written a description of what most of us go through before daring to have the important conversation that will make a difference.
I realized how committed I really am to helping people have these conversations.
You may not even know about all the resources I have available to help this process along. Please share these minicourses with your friends.
And just because you care, please invite a friend to subscribe to Your Relationship Tips Newsletter
P.S. If you need help getting moving again, or having an important conversation, I can probably help. I have space in my schedule for a few more coaching clients.
[tags]Relationships, Self Help, Self-Improvement, Personal Growth[/tags]