This is a story about me versus…

  • The world that defined women as less than men.
  • About me versus the world as a feminist.
  • About me versus the world in passive language.
  • About me versus institutions that insist on rigid rules and boundaries.
  • About me versus the world in which children are not allowed to reach their full potential because it isn’t safe for them to become who they really are.


  • I could teach licensed professionals but not be one because I didn’t take the right courses in the right order. I simply learned the material.
  • I learned that language patterns of passivity keep people from assuming responsibility and lead to codependency.
  • New ideas or rejected over and over again without being really considered.

As these experiences unfolded, I was battling my own sense of…

  • The grief and confusion of following all of the rules during my first pregnancy and still losing the baby at birth.
  • The rule of needing to be a lady versus the excitement becoming an effective person in the world.
  • The cultural expectation and personal script to be a Good Wife and mother, to not ask for help   to be codependent and not fitting in or belonging.
  • The sense of being wrong and bad if I didn’t do what I was supposed to do despite the fact that those messages we’re conflicting.

The messages were:

  1. We expect you to always do the best that you can.
  2. It’s not what you know but who you know.
  3. Don’t be a sheep—think for yourself.

Choose an experience that exemplifies this conflict and write a scene that shows the narrator in conflict with her chief adversary.

The story about the Money and You workshop exemplifies this. The story of stepping back from the workshop and risking the loss of my marriage and my business because of what I understood to be right for me. It was fully explained in the book, What Is the Emperor Wearing?


Another scene:

I don’t usually handle conflicts directly; I give the appearance of being nice and following the rules and then circumvent them. An example of this is serving on the board of ITAA. (International Transactional Analysis Association) I grew up in the ITAA. As a budding professional teaching on my husband’s credentials, I rapidly advanced and was elected to the board of trustees. Most of my associates accepted me as a clinician, however I had never given up my belief the TA was a tool for educators and consultants.

But the board saw these folks as second-class citizens, not “real” professionals. I wanted full recognition of the practitioners in these fields. I knew that I and a few others were training these folks for certification in what was then called special fields applications of transactional analysis. Although many of these professionals could teach far more effectively than designated teaching members who are all clinicians.

I proposed that TMs who had successfully trained three or more special fields members true certification be grandfathered in as Special Fields Teaching Members (SFTM). This was a new classification and on a par with Clinical Teaching Members. The board passed my proposal which led the way to the acknowledgement. In the 40 years since Then the organization has extended this certification to Teaching Members in organization and education fields.