Does someone you care about drive you crazy?
Sometimes it seems strange that the people we are most attracted to are the ones we most want to change. At first we are thrilled to be with someone who is so steady and reliable.
Soon you are furious with her\him because s\he is so boring.
If you are the stable and responsible one, you may be attracted to someone who is exciting and outrageous, and then try to calm down some of his\her exuberance.
What you experienced when you were a child may actually be the source of the problem.
As a child, you naturally do your best to please the grownups who care for you. If they are disturbed by childhood exuberance, you can tell, and you try to be quiet. Eventually you forget that you ever could get excited.
Of course, if your natural inclination was to be quiet and you grew up in a family that cherished exuberance, you may have forgotten the quiet introspective parts of yourself.
Nobody likes to lose a part of herself. When someone else appears who has your lost characteristics, a part of you gets very excited. At first you are attracted to him\her.
Later, you feel scared or angry, because the part of you who tried to please the grownups when you were a child becomes active again.
The solution to this strange dilemma is to reclaim the lost parts of yourself.
If you are attracted and repelled by exuberance, develop your own. Learn to play — study clowning. If you are attracted and repelled by steadiness, learn to follow through on your own commitments.
When you reclaim the characteristics you once put aside, you will discover that you can accept them more easily in the people you care about.
Is this you? “I don’t need therapy, but I could use some advice about…”
[tags]Self Help, Self-Improvement, Personal Growth, CoDependency[/tags]